Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
50% drunk capacity currently
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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