it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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