PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
