What a fucking waste of an outfit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
