You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
