I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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