No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
