just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he shaved USA in his pubs
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
