I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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