Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
