Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
