If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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