You can't special order awesome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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