I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
