he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
