I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
