oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
