You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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