should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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