I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
