My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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