You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
