TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
