aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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