I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You took a bar mat shot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
