If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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