Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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