So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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