guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
