From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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