His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The air was thick with penises
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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