I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
