We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
