I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were destined to go to rehab together
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
