So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
this is an emotional support booty call
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
