The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
