Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
