hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
