You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
