why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
