Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
