The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
