Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
