Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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