No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
