I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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