Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
