great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
