mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
