and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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