Just cropdusted the office
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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