...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
